Pasilip sa sulat 3: Hatred

This one is not for SOTE. It’s for someone else. Huh. Apparently I have a lot of hate in my life: 

I’ll always hate you, you know.

It’s been a long time since I saw you last and still you spell rejection for me. When I wanted totake the high road, you’d stir feelings in me that I thought I won’t ever feel again. Feelings I promised myself I’d never feel again. That feeling of helplessness, that feeling of being sucked into the power of someone else. For that I shall always hate you.

Superimposed on every rejection letter is your face. Embedded in everything wrong in the world is your mark. I hate you so that you are what is most terrifying. Terrifying because I cannot become a good person because of you.

I haven’t seen you for years and years and yet I hate you still.

Imagine the hurt you must have inflicted. I myself cannot remember that moment. Someone told me it’s probably because in complete shock, your body erases the memory. Self-inflicted filtering system. Your own personal eject button.

I wish I could curse you to eternity.

In reality, this writing cannot help me anyway. You’d live your life, complete and happy. My hatred will consume me and make my life hellish. It ain’t fair, but I hate you so that I lost.

I shall always be the ugly stepsister.

Graphics for Quotes Comments

~ by angmgatuhod on 5 July, 2007.