the idea of happiness

*whispers* (I’m in the ‘interesting read’ list of Ian Casocot. I know it’s a little thing, and probably he just didn’t know where to put my blog in his links, but little things make me happy today.^^)

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Christmas is coming, and with that is the New Year. Now, admittedly, I’ve been waiting for the New Year since March so I could talk about really good things that happened to me this year, and that was still March. The second half of the year kind of screwed me over, but fresh out of the catastrophe, I could say that it was still worth the best year of my life.

I’m probably saying this only because I’m on a strange high, but really, for the lack of a more encompassing term, 2008 for me had been the most interesting. It was a year of many firsts, many risks, and huge ton of learning. I’ve managed to feel the entire prism of emotions (Ok, so not entire, but a healthy fraction of it), and I feel like I’ve come back a full circle. Strangely, everything feels like it’s fallen into place. That has never really happened before.

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You can’t leave, you know. You shouldn’t. If I get used to you being gone, I won’t find the need for you. And needing you makes me happy. Needing you makes me remember that I am connected to the world. You are my silver cord.

I just hope that you would need me too.

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I was wondering: if I’m happy with a mere idea, should that be enough?

The thing is, even though it is a mere idea, something probably trivial and too friggin ethereal for real-world application, it is something that makes me happy.But yeah, I do realize how dangerous being enamored by that idea could be.

The idea that something could actually call my wall bullshit is both scary and interesting. It’s like a suicidal teen being saved from falling off the building: a confusing mixture of gratitude and rebellion. It triggers a fight-or-flight reaction, and I’m not really sure which course would be wisest.

Or maybe I should just stop whining how happy I should not be and just enjoy it.

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What makes us discontented with our condition

is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others.

-A French Proverb

~ by denice on 29 November, 2008.