Time is making fools of us again – Albus Dumbledore

I really hate waking up after a really good dream.

However, I am thankful in this case because there was no crushing feeling of loss, no wistful hope that it were true. I realize I am being very vague but I’ll get to the dream in a bit.

I dreamt I was in a roomful of people, in a mall of sorts, facing Nina and Karl (no doubt traces of what we did last Saturday at the Galleria) and somehow I knew that SOTE will be among those people milling about. Somehow, my subconscious self didn’t realy want to see him either so there was a sinking sense of recognition as the crowd parted and he was there, looking at me with an uncertain expression on his face.

I ignored him (way to go subconscious!) but apparently, that didn’t stop him from oing what he usually did when I ignored him: he pretended that I wasn’t ignoring him. He walked over to me and asked to see me privately. My friends left and I sat there looking at him mutinously (I can’t see my face but I’m sure that was how I was looking at him). He was looking at me with uncertainty, somehow embarassed and apologetic.

“I– I—,” he started but he closed his eyes instead.

I just stared at him, trying to hide my anger behind an insulting look of polite interest.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. He sat beside me, peering into my face.

I didn’t say anything. I turned my face away. 

(Don’t cheer for me yet. Even in my dreams I am not resolved.) Apparently, SOTE was hell-bent on asking for forgiveness, despite the fact that even in my dream he sucked at showing it. He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn’t budge, but he gave me a peck on the cheek again and this time, I realized he was crying.

And you know how much I am a sucker for guys who cried.

I patted his cheek and he knew he was off the hook. He started babbling on about how he missed me and stuff (Sandman sure screwed that up huh?) and when I told him I didn’t want to hear it, he took my hand and, in true SOTE fashion, dragged me off to do his stuff with him. That’s the main difference though. I did it with him, not for him.

It was raining in my dream as well (probably caused by the sound of raindrops on my roof) and while running off to different parts of the venue (it was sort of a school, because there were corridors and classrooms, but there was this big lobby in it, like a mall), we chanced upon this puddle. I pointed it out because the raindrops were making the puddle glitter in iridiscent blue. I smiled at how beautiful it was and he said, “They’ll never understand how beautiful it is. It is beautiful to us because we’re different.”

He then took my hand and we strode off to spend time with MY friends.

And then my mother woke me up to tell me that it was past 12 already.

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Strange how everything right now feels like a dream.

Or a nightmare, especially when computer does not cooperate. You get this odd feeling of deja vu and you know that this has happened before. Oh wait, this has ALWAYS been happening. Stupid internet.

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Am so suckered into the wizarding world. It’s 2nd year college all over again! Back in the original JRN1 classroom, with the “quills” and “parchment” and Niel’s wand (a chopstick he insisted on carrying. Not the other pervy kind of wand…). Life was much less complicated back then, when all you needed to worry about was how to get to class on time and whether you’d rather a vendo cappucino or cafe au lait. Back then when you were so ready to love and naively ignored the consequences. Back then when rainy days like today meant that you have the choice to go home early or hang out with your friends in what unknowingly will be the activity you miss most.

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“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
-Albus Dumbledore

~ by denice on 7 August, 2007.