slow day
I read my old diary this morning.
Not that old really. It was my diary just several years before, from the later parts of my college life to the maddeningly yuppie entries of last year. Yes, keeping a diary is so highschool and ”romantic” bleh, but while some artsy-fartsy people would rather call it their “journal”, it is still something that keeps you from tearing the eyeballs out of people you have to smile at everyday and provides you even a bit of sanity when everything else is thrown off the ground in an earth-shattering crisis. When nobody understands, it helps to see yourself mirrored in a more rational perspective as you read yourself.
Oh, it had SOTE’s name written on every page. Not as a doodle, mind you, but as a recurring topic in an endless telenovela. Something akin to the abysmal-yet-really really long-running Annakarenina (starring Antoniette Taus and Kim Delos Santos? Come on, you watched it when you were in highschool!)
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I remember this quote from somewhere by someone: “Never ever regret anything you’ve done because at that moment, it was exactly what you wanted.” or something like that but more profound.
I do regret a lot of things. I wish that I am like some brave people who can proudly say that in their lifetime, they don’t regret anything. I regret every missed chance, every quip that was 8 seconds too late to be said, every quip that should’ve been left unsaid. Moreover, I regret that I actually have things to regret, that I am not strong enough to let it go.
They say there is nothing to regret if it’s worth it. What if you thought it was, but it actually isn’t?
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It’s a slow slow day. Time has turned into a fat iridiscent green slug crawling very very slowly to its waiting coccoon, taking a lethargic journey into his warm silk bed, to become the enchanting butterfly of tomorrow (which is payday. yey!)
Tomorrow night will be highschool friends’ night (I really have to give them a collective name) at Tropezz. But before that, I have to head to Forever Flawless first for a facial. I think I burned my face off this summer on outings and such that my face is all oily again. ekh.
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This guy should be in American Idol instead of that tone-deaf off-key Zeke-lookalike Sanjaya. I found his cover of Danny’s Song (Kenny Loggins) because Jec sang a bit of the song and I got LSS. Totally blew me away when I heard him.
Yay! You found me!
Yes, I agree… people need to find a purpose. There needs to be a reason for living… and whatever it is, there’s your purpose. But people get caught up in their lives, following the norm, and forgetting to follow that purpose. Yuck.
And I agree about the diary thing. Definitely good for sanity. And always interesting to go back and read old ones… usually good for a laugh.
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About regret. I figure, its okay to regret things… that helps you to learn from them. But if it brings you down then its better just to say “I won’t do that again” and move on. Easier said than done though. And what you do at one point or another, based on your intention, was worth it at the time. Things change… you move on, grow, circumstances alter the context of things that happened in the past. But really, thats impossible. Things happened in the context of when they happened. You can’t look back at them differently without tainting the moment/memory. Once you recall the thing you may or may not regret, you look back upon it in your current state of mind, not the one you had at the time. You can’t regret something you had all the best intentions for. You can be sorry that it didn’t turn out how you liked, but then you pick up the pieces and move on, learning from the experience.
If that made sense…
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I love how you write. Such beautiful imagery.